As movie titles go, Lesbian Vampire Killers is pure genius.

The film is, of course, a spoof. It’s a British horror comedy written by Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams and is due in cinemas from March 20th 2009.

Don’t expect too much in the way of complex plot. The official website summarises the story in a six page mini-comic. To summarise the summary of the summary:

Two no hopers… one cursed village… a bus full of foreign students… and an army of solacious lesbian vampires… can the boys put their fear aside to become… Lesbian Vampire Killers?

The film stars Mathew Horne and James Corden as the no-hopers with Paul McGann as the vicar.

Imagine this for a movie pitch: a small town in Australia is inexplicably swamped by millions of caterpillars. The caterpillars blanket the town hanging from fenceposts, clothes lines and even clothes. Their presence can cause sickness and allergic reactions in both humans and animals and some of the towns residents can only leave their homes with full protective clothing. Today it’s one small town, however the caterpillars could soon advance to a major Australian city…. and beyond.

It would be thrown out as ridiculous. Yet it’s not a movie, it’s reality.

The Courier Mail Au reports that the Queensland town of Yandaran is under seige from millions of processionary caterpillars. At least one resident, Dallas Boothey, has to wear a full body protective suit because she is allergic to them.

According to Boothey:

They are very easy to kill, just warm soapy water, but we can’t do it by ourselves, because there is so much state forest and crown land

Boothey also points out that the caterpillars are only 28km from the city of Bundaberg and seem to be gradually moving in that direction.

Don’t the Queensland authorities watch horror movies?

I’ve added a review of Cold Prey (Fritt Vilt). I gave it four stars and concluded: “The story is unoriginal and adds nothing to the genre however the realisation is superb”

A couple of months ago I reported that the Johnny Depp/Tim Burton remake of Dark Shadows was on permanent hold. Now it seems that – as is the way with Hollywood – everything’s changed.

Collider reports on a recent conversation with producer Richard D. Zanuck. It seems that Dark Shadows might not only be back on but could be Depp’s next project after Alice In Wonderland, to be shot in London next summer.

Good news. And London in the summer is a great choice for grey, miserable atmosphere with malfunctioning scenery.

As part of the ITV winter-spring season they’ll be showing a one-off spooky drama called Affinity. The story is set against the backdrop of a Victorian prison and centres around Selina Dawes (Zoe Tapper), a spiritualist imprisoned for assaulting a young girl during a seance. Selina claims to have been possessed by a malevolent spirit at the time.

The film is based on the novel by Sarah Waters, probably best known for Tipping the Velvet. According to Waters:

It was definitely inspired by the traditional Victorian ghost stories of authors like Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins, which are often about people, especially woman, trapped in houses and institutions, not quite knowing how to get out while their repressed passions produce odd effects around them.

Affinity was adapted for TV by writer Andrew Davies who previously adapted Tipping…. Davies says:

Affinity is a ghost story, a love story and a mystery. It’s about a prison visitor in the 19th Century who falls in love with a young female prisoner who is in there for being a ‘fraudulent medium’.

I think it is an extraordinary mixture, and the spiritualism side of the story is fascinating. Selina has the power of communicating with the spirit world and has a spirit guide called Peter Quick. A huge part of the story is whether we are we convinced that she is a genuine medium and can genuinely overcome physical barriers.

It’s a very unusual sort of period drama – it’s very different from your typical TV drama.

No exact broadcast date available yet, however the DVD’s due out in the UK at the end of January 2009.